Jim Steele’ Best and Worst Movies of 2010

For my list of the best and worst films of 2010, I’ve decided to trick things up a little. The main reason being: I don’t get free passes from the studios, so there are plenty of movies each year that I miss at the theatre. I try to make up for it by catching them on DVD, but there are still a large number that slip through the cracks. So I could attempt to do an incomplete list limited only to 2010 releases, or I could take things in a totally different direction. I choose the latter.

This list of the best and worst films of 2010 is comprised of any motion picture I viewed for the first time in the last calendar year–regardless of when it was originally made. And after 365 days of searching for artistic merit, clever subtext, and skillful editing, I’ve also made the decision to throw all that out the window and select the films I enjoyed the most (or least) as a moviegoer. In other words, I’m checking my critical sensibilities at the door and writing simply as a fan.

The Worst Films I Saw in 2010

Here’s a list of the worst films I saw for the first time in 2010. Some didn’t meet my expectations, while others were sadly just what I feared. Either way, all of the following put my patience to the test.

9. Assault Girls (2009) – While it’s beautiful to look at (the same goes for star Meisa Kuroki), this Japanese film about three women and one incompetent dude killing sandwhales inside a virtual videogame is dreadfully dull. Long at 65-minutes, it’s a perfect example of style over substance.

8. Bitch Slap (2009) – Anyone watching this exploitation flick would expect plenty of nudity and graphic violence. Sadly, the violence is watered down, the nudity is limited to about two seconds, and appearances by cast members of Xena and Hercules are largely wasted. The film’s three heroines (Julia Voth, Erin Cummings, America Olivo) are fine to be sure, but that’s about all this stinker has going for it.

7. Sorority Row (2009) – A deranged killer tracks down pretty college students. Haven’t we already watched this movie about 1,000 times before? Even a shotgun-wielding Carrie Fisher can’t save this mess. And any movie that has a character named “Chugs” automatically gets points deducted.

6. Legion (2010) – What could’ve been a thrilling flick about angels coming down to exterminate mankind winds up being nothing more than a depressed-looking Paul Bettany hanging out in a diner. I’m surprised God didn’t destroy the filmmakers for making such a boring film (or at least send a demonic creature in an ice cream truck).

5. A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) – The boys at Platinum Dunes have once again managed to take a beloved horror property and completely remove everything that made the original work. Congratulations, guys! This one’s almost as bad as the Friday the 13th reboot…almost.

4. Dune: Extended Edition (1984) – Made without the participation of director David Lynch, this adaptation of the James Herbert novel added in 40 minutes of footage and managed to confuse the hell out of everyone. A jumbled mess, it’s no wonder that Lynch had his name replaced with the infamous Alan Smithee pseudonym (and Judas Booth as screenwriter).

3. The Wolfman (2010) – This remake of the 1941 classic justifiably bombed at the box office. In addition to Anthony Hopkins hamming it up and Benicio del Toro’s constant mumbling, the film shows little to no understanding of the word “tension.” You’ll get more chills and thrills from any random teen slasher flick.

2. Killers (2010) – Ashton Kutcher should’ve skipped this film and spent more time taking funny pictures on a yacht. Katherine Heigl, meanwhile, continues her impressive streak of astoundingly lackluster movies. A flat rom-com that fails to entertain on every level.

1. Vampires Suck (2010) – It takes skill to make a good parody, something the filmmakers of this movie lacked in spades. As if effeminate vampires weren’t already tiresome enough, try combining that with non-stop bad jokes and cameos from those Jersey Shore losers. I would’ve gladly given up a pint of blood to skip this one.

The Best Films I Saw in 2010

While I sat through my share of awful movies in 2010, I also managed to work in a few quality films along the way. A mixture of modern and classic works, these movies served as a reminder of why I keep plopping down my money for tickets or a Netflix subscription.

(Honorable Mention) Tony (2009) – An independent UK horror flick about a lonely shut-in who’s also a sexually-confused psychopath. It’s Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer with a British accent.

10. Black Dynamite (2009) – Michael Jai White starred in and co-wrote this hilarious tribute to blaxpoitation cinema. From whacked-out dialogue to mind-blowing fight scenes, fans of comedy and action will be in stitches. Dyn-a-mite! Dyn-a-mite!

9. Lone Wolf and Cub: White Heaven in Hell (1974) – The sixth and final installment in the balls-out Japanese series about a disgraced samurai-turned-assassin and his young son. Our protagonist, Ogami Itto (Tomisaburo Wakayama), racks up the single largest body count of any movie character ever, and we learn that ninjas are equally lethal on skis.

8. The Disappearance of Alice Creed (2010) – Gemma Arterton continues to build up her resume with this twist-filled British thriller about two kidnappers, their victim, and a heaping helping of ransom money. Filled with crosses and double-crosses, you’ll be glued to your seat from the opening moments.

7. Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog (2008) – While it was originally released in three 14-minute installments on the Internet, watching Joss Whedon’s musical supervillain tale in one sitting is just like going to the movies. The songs are catchier than they have any right to be, and both Nathan Fillion and Neal Patrick Harris get to show off their diverse talents.

6. Requiem for a Dream (2000) – Director Darren Aronofsky scared the hell out of addicts everywhere with his tale of three pals (and one of their moms) who fall victim to various forms of addiction. The final act is especially harrowing, with scenes of electric shock therapy combined with amputations, orgies, and delusional fantasies. Give it to your favorite junkie next Christmas.

5. True Grit (2010) – The Coen brothers get serious long enough to turn out a damned fine Western. While I’d never think of knocking John Wayne, Jeff Bridges does manage to take the role of Rooster Cogburn and make it his own. But the real scene-stealer is 14-year-old Hailee Steinfeld, a name I hope we’ll be hearing more of in the future.

4. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans (2009) – Combine Nicolas Cage with German genius Werner Herzog, and the result is an off-the-wall look at crime and redemption in a post-Katrina New Orleans. Select scenes are presented from the point-of-view of various reptiles, and Cage gets to cut loose with a kind of manic enthusiasm not seen since Leaving Las Vegas. An audacious and totally entertaining piece of cinema.

3. Let Me In (2010) – I’m always cautious of remakes, but 2010 featured a couple of fine ones. In this remake of the Swedish horror film, Regan-era morality crashes headlong into a tale of pre-teen vampire seduction. The result is bloody, seductive, and a fine vehicle with which to continue Chloe Moretz’s career ascension.

2. Prime Cut (1972) – Lee Marvin is pure awesomeness as a mob enforcer who heads to Kansas City to collect a debt by any means possible. Sissy Spacek (in her feature debut) is a young girl saved from sexual slavery by Marvin, and Gene Hackman is a brutal crime boss with a hot wife and a penchant for raw meat.

1. Red Cliff (2008/2009) – Skip the domestic version that crams both movies together and cuts out some of the more interesting bits of characterization. Instead, bite the bullet and set aside four hours to watch both films back-to-back. If you take my advice, you’ll be rewarded with an epic tale of heroism and sacrifice from perhaps the most famous period in Chinese history. The heroes and battles are titanic in scope, the women are gorgeous, and the art of war is present in everything from tea ceremonies to the blowing of the wind. And did I mention that it’s directed by John Woo? A beautiful film that puts me in a Zen-like state of mind every time I watch it.