Gregor Turley’s Best and Worst Movies of 2010 (2010)

The Worst Movies of 2010

What are the worst movies of 2010, you ask? This is the first time I’ve ever compiled such a list. I don’t like to dwell on these matters; it’s bad enough that each of these suckfests robbed me of time and effort in the first place.

Regrettably, there were many contenders for the worst movies of 2010, from the absurdly plotted, unfunny comedy The Joneses, to yet another tired addition to the overdone vampire fad, Daybreakers. And let’s not forget about the thick-necked mindlessness of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in Faster, and the campy, disgusting shock of The Human Centipede.

But as my word of warning to you, dear reader, let me briefly regurgitate the five most objectionable chunks of bad cinema I attempted to swallow this year:

5. The Last Song – A simple-minded, manipulative pile of pablum for the tweenyboppers raised on the Disney Channel. Miley Cyrus tries to play-act a “serious young adult” role and fails in every possible way. Miley, I’m not surprised you’ve been hitting the bong–I would too, trying to forget everything about this dreck.

4. Piranha 3D – The technology may have advanced, but 3D is still just a gimmick to make extra bucks for the studios. If it’s not a good movie in two dimensions, adding a third won’t help. This boneheaded grade-Z gore-fest only exists because some studio twit had the idea of greenlighting a cheap-ass 3D creature feature for the summer, and Jaws 3D was already taken.

3. I’m Still Here – It’s interesting that after their “documentary” bombed with critics and audiences, Joaquin Phoenix and Casey Affleck backpedaled, claiming it was all an elaborate prank, that Phoenix was just acting and not really committing career suicide. It doesn’t matter if it was real or fake–either way, Phoenix’s behavior is despicable and insulting to his audience. He’s still here, but many of his fans are not, and I’m not excited to ever see him act again.

2. 35 Shots of Rum – Drink them instead of wasting your time watching this boring, pointless French film. Not only do the titular libations never appear and are never explained, but NOTHING ELSE HAPPENS EITHER. The dead cat is livelier than anything else in this artless snoozer.

1. Furry Vengeance – If there is a poster child for the worst movies of 2010, it’s Brendan Fraser. First, he kicked off the year with Extraordinary Measures, a TV-quality disease flick so lame that Harrison Ford barely woke up to do his part. Then Fraser turned up in this abomination filled with laborious slapstick, the dumbest human characters ever conceived, and the theoretically funny (a theory emphatically disproven) antics of a bunch of CGI woodland critters. It’s even more offensive for trying to pose as an environmental lesson for kids, but comes across less coherent than a 1950s classroom hygiene film. The worst movie of the year, no question. Mr. Fraser, fire your agent!

The Best Movies of 2010

Before I list my choices for the 10 best movies of 2010, I’d like to offer my belated accolades to two outstanding movies from 2009 that would’ve made last year’s list had I seen them in time: The White Ribbon, an unsettlingly quiet black-and-white German film with an oblique, occasionally shocking story that illustrates the childhood origins of the Third Reich; and An Education, a justifiable title for a smart script, brilliantly acted and directed, with Carey Mulligan an instant star thanks to her luminous, Oscar-nominated performance as a ’60s British schoolgirl romancing a suave older man.

As for this year’s releases, I give a special citation for excellence to a pair of outstanding documentaries about the war in Afghanistan: Restrepo, a you-are-there experience with the brave soldiers stationed in the deadly Korengal valley; and The Tillman Story, a vivid examination of the government’s obfuscation of the friendly-fire death of Pat Tillman. These two nonfiction films are indeed among the best movies of 2010, but it didn’t feel right to rank them among the dramatized entertainments below.

I also offer honorable mentions to two unusual British films that just missed my top-10 cut: Never Let Me Go, a subtle and sad alternate-reality tale with another great turn by Carey Mulligan; and The Disappearance Of Alice Creed, an intense kidnapping thriller with only three characters.

Now, finally, on to my 10 best movies of 2010:

10. Shutter Island – It’s not on the same level of excellence as The Departed, GoodFellas, or Scorsese’s other masterpieces. But it’s more entertaining than, say, Bringing Out the Dead or Kundun. Even a weak Scorsese movie is usually superior to most other flicks, and here he obviously has fun warping Leonardo DiCaprio’s mind (and ours) in his scary haunted asylum.

9. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo – The two sequels are interesting but pale in comparison to this fascinating first installment, in which a disgraced Swedish reporter investigates a decades-old disappearance with the aid of a badass punk hacker chick. Noomi Rapace memorably inhabits the pierced skin of Lisbeth Salander, an instantly iconic character.

8. True Grit – Speaking of iconic, the Coen brothers had the cojones to remake one of the last great Westerns of the old studio system, but they smartly kept the dark edges of the story that the original smoothed away. John Wayne was overdue for an Oscar when he won for playing Rooster Cogburn 41 years ago, but Jeff Bridges obliterates any memory of Wayne’s movie-star swagger. Matt Damon and newcomer Hailee Steinfeld are both superb as well. One of the best remakes I’ve ever seen.

7. I Love You Phillip Morris – This one came out of left field for me. I didn’t expect this outrageously true gay comedy to be so thoroughly entertaining, because the outrageousness comes not from the homosexuality but from the audacity of Jim Carrey’s real-life character and the amazing cons he pulled off. Carrey and Ewan McGregor are both hilariously funny and tearjerkingly dramatic.

6. Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World – I dreaded walking in to see this movie — it looked like the sort of hyperkinetic youth video-game mishmash I normally try to avoid. And that’s basically what it is, but it’s also cleverly stylized, hysterically funny, and so ridiculously over the top that by the end, I wanted to Insert Coin To Continue.

5. Tangled – Disney’s best non-Pixar animated film since Beauty and the Beast. Sweet, romantic, beautiful, clever, and hilarious. Donna Murphy’s voice adds a silky menace to the classic motherly guilt trip of Rapunzel’s protective kidnapper. And with apologies to human actors, I want to nominate Maximus, a nonspeaking animated horse, for Best Supporting Actor. Seriously, he’s worthy of it.

4. Mother – This surprising drama from Joon-ho Bong, director of the Korean creature feature The Host, starts out quirky and amusing, then becomes a mystery that builds to a shocking climax and a perfectly realized ending. Hye-ja Kim is unforgettable as a plain-looking, ordinary mother who goes to extraordinary lengths to defend her mentally challenged son from a murder charge.

3. The King’s Speech – An elegant, eloquent re-creation of Britain and its royal family in the years leading up to World War II, and how King George VI had to overcome his father’s scorn, his brother’s scandalous abdication, and his own physical impediment to become the resolute leader his war-torn nation needed. Colin Firth delivers the finest acting performance of the year, matched by the career-best supporting work of Geoffrey Rush.

2. 127 Hours – For most of this movie, we’re literally stuck with one person in a little hole in a large expanse of dangerous land. We already know the climax of this true story, and we dread seeing its eventual, visceral depiction. But director Danny Boyle applies his frenetic Slumdog Millionaire style to the virtual opposite of bustling Bombay and it works, creating an uplifting, emotional film that’s not about the unimaginable agony of a single scene, but about the imaginable, indomitable will of man to survive and live a full life. James Franco is amazing.

1. Winter’s Bone – I’ve seen this movie several times already, and perhaps it’s because I relate too well to the rural Missouri setting, but this haunting, skillfully scripted story lingers in my brain more than any other film I saw this year. Young Jennifer Lawrence establishes herself as a quietly powerful actress beyond her age as a 17-year-old head of household who has to protect the remnants of her poor family by tracking down her absent, meth-producing father. It’s an unblinking depiction of fear and poverty in the methamphetamine capital of the country, and the codes of silence and gossip that create a conundrum where the only thing worse than talking is being talked about. A moody, expertly cast little masterpiece.